On Not Caring About What Other People Think
I care too much about what other people think to a point that I go above and beyond to make sure I am liked. I spend so much energy and effort to be liked and approved of.
It's been awhile since I didn't care so much about what other people think. This changed when I came to the United States. I became self-conscious, worrying too much about my place in this new society that I'm a part of. I became conscious of my vulnerability, my aloneness, and different-ness. I became hyper aware of my social status in this country, and became insecure; especially with my relatives. My thinking is: I could lose friends and connection at anytime, and not belonging to a group or community sucks.
In the Philippines, I did not care much. I would hurt people and still have friends in my other social tribes whether it's my neighbors, school friends, or another group of school friends. Not having friends wasn't a concern, because if I ever have problems with one of them, I know that I can go to another group; or I try to fix the problem and get back into good standing/relationship with everyone. You can say that I was in my element.
That changed when I came to the United States. I did not have a well developed social support or network. And, as an into every, social support is not something I can develop in a day. Therefore I was alone. And I became hyper self-coscious. I became conscious of the discomfort of being alone, unloved, unacceptable, and unapproved of by others; making my ego vulnerable. Making my mental health vulnerable.
I have been pleasing people to gain their trust, confidence, approval, and liking. I've been looking for "likes" on my status even before Facebook became popular. It takes too much of my time and my mental energy. It takes a lot of my creativity. It takes a toll on my health and well-being. And I realized that if I truly want to be happy...
... that behavior will stop today.
Hi. I'm Kent and this is my blog. Let me know what you think.